considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
