Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
