i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
