My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
