Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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