you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
