i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
