Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
