Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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