i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I stole a fireplace last night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
