Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
