Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
