can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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