That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize