apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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