dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
