Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip