It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.