Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
