I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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