why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This toilet bowl is my home.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
