Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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