No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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