weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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