I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
