dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
