She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
