Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
