Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
