My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
