You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
