dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
