I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
