My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
