so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
