my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
