I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
