I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
