The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
