so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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