If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
