New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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