y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
