it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My penis needs a shock collar
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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