you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
