fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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