Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
