dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
