I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
