She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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