Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
