Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
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Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
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her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize