mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
