So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
