i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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