Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
