operation have a gay friend backfired
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
