if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
