The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
