I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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