yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD