Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.