and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.