I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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