Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
