So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
