Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
