I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
