Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize