He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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