dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
