I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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