Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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