omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
